The Curator of Schlock #413: Blitz

The Revenging Manta and I arrived at the Museum of schlock around half past midnight. Rock music was blasting from the inside and I could swear I made out Bachman Turner Overdrive’s “Takin’ Care of Business” over the howls of the dozens of punks on the inside. The ninja vigilante grabbed a large satchel filled with powdered fentanyl and draped it over his shoulder. 

“I’m sure you know this place like the back of your hand,” he said, peering at the windows above. “Is there a secret entrance inside?” — To be continued.


Tonight’s movie is 2011’s Blitz from director Elliot Lester. The movie begins with Detective Sergeant Tom Brant (Jason Statham) waking up with a hangover. He pours himself a little hair of the dog when he hears the shots of street hoodlums trying to break into his car. Brant grabs a hurley and confronts the hoodlums. What is a hurley you may ask? It’s a piece of sports equipment used in the ancient Gaelic game of hurling. Players use the hurley to hit a small ball called a sliotar into an opponent’s goal. Brant uses a hurley to beat the crap out of the street hoodlums.

Seems that the press had a field day with a London cop assaulting some innocent teens. Brant has to attend therapy sessions where he lights up a cigarette before threatening the shrink that if he gets fired, he’ll turn into a man with nothing left to lose and may do something violent. Superintendent Brown (Nicky Henson) orders Brant to keep a low profile because the department doesn’t need anymore bad press. Brant then takes time out of his busy day to console PC Elizabeth Falls (Zawe Ashton) over her failing the sergeant’s exam. He tells her everyone fails it the first time and that she’s only been out of rehab a few months. Brant tells her to give it time and we like him for that.

There’s a serial killer on the loose in London and his target is cops. And it’s no real secret as to who the guy is. His name is Barry Weiss (Aidan Gillen) and Brant learns of him by squeezing a transient for information. By squeezing I mean Brant reached under the table and grabbed the transients you know what until he coughed up a story about a guy named Barry that bragged about setting a police dog on fire. Meanwhile, we get a scene of Barry shooting a cop in broad daylight and getting away with it because he was wearing a disguise. His disguise consisted of sunglasses, but that’s enough. Barry notifies the press about his twisted plans to kill more coppers and tells them to call him The Blitz.

A Sergeant Port Nash (Paddy Considine) is transferred to the department to head up the investigation of The Blitz. Nash is openly gay which draws ridicule from the officers in the precinct, but he finds an ally in Brant. We learn that despite preferring tea to whiskey and living in a minimalist apartment, Nash is just as tough as Brant. He even put a pedophile in the hospital. Will this odd couple put an end to the creeper who calls himself The Blitz? You’ll have to watch to find out.


Photo by Leslie Salas

Jeff Shuster (episode 47episode 102episode 124episode 131episode 284episode 441episode 442episode 443, episode 444episode 450, episode 477episode 491episode 492, episode 493episode 495episode 496episode 545episode 546episode 547episode 548, and episode 549) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.

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